You cannot run away from your past

Do you remember when you were a kid and felt unfairly treated. How we fantasized of having exactly what we wanted in the future once we were free to decide for ourselves. Belonging. Unconditional love. Freedom. Safety. All of it. (Well, at least that’s what I fantasized about and I guess I wasn’t like most kids)

“As long as I get this, all will be good again.”

”You need to be brave enough to do some time traveling.”

Thing is… it doesn’t work like that. If you manage to even come close to this in your future, your past will still stubbornly manifest itself over and over again until you have dealt with it. And I mean truly dealt with it. As kids, we seldom have the tools to deal with what is heartbreaking and painful. So every trauma, every painful event, will be like a hard tied knot in your body until you are older, wiser, and finally, have the tools to resolve those knots. They will fester in your body, in your mind, in your emotions. And they will not leave no matter how fast and far you run, because they are part of you. You need to be brave enough to do some time traveling. Because all of the pain that is part of your adulthood always, with no exceptions, stems from your childhood. So that is where you need to revisit to be able to truly move forward in life.

To get personal, I have been working with my own knots a lot lately. This whole year actually. I have been doing all of the trials and errors. Running, suppressing, distracting and finally, surrendering. They have been uncovering one by one and screaming for my attention in my hips, in my womb and in my heart. I have felt helpless, worthless and tired. So tired.

My core wounds is honestly some hard shit to look at. Even though I have collected a lot of amazing tools over the years, once your body pulls you back in time to those early traumas and you are wandering around in the dark, drowning in your anxiety, it is so easy to forget to take those tools with you.

So there is no way of getting out of this dark tunnel of life, but forward.

But the universe won’t show you mercy no matter how much you beg for it (believe me I’ve tried). Because the universe, the source energy, or god as some may call it, will always push you where expansion of consciousness lies. This is the law of mirroring, what is within will be without, with no exceptions. Also called law of attraction but I feel that label has been claimed by a lot of spiritual bypassers who blindly follows the ”love and light” ideology without accepting the dark shadows that exist nevertheless in all of us. So there is no way of getting out of this dark tunnel of life, but forward. Right into the fears, the cold and the pain. Because that is where you will grow the most. That is where the gold is hidden.

So my sentiment of this post is one of those clichés.. You cannot run away from your past. To move forward in your life, you need to pay attention to where your mind, body and soul wants you to look back first. And if we do not want to listen the first time our body whispers to us, believe me it will grow bigger and bigger. The mirroring will distort itself and become uglier for every time we try to look away. The whispers will become screams of desperations. Try to look away and you will find yourself digging your own grave. There is no shortcut to go forward in your life.