Breaker of chains

My last post didn’t feel like it was written with my fullest capacity and inspiration. As I thought more about this, being rootless and having this empty feeling in my chest.. I realized what I kind of already know. Everything is for a reason. I broke the chain because I wanted to start something new, and I’ve had that intention as early as when I was in kindergarten. I always knew I wanted to create new traditions, new relationships and everything based on a more loving and healthy basis. I needed to work on my own mother wound, and that could only be done with distance from the village I grew up in. It doesn’t mean I don’t got any people that I don’t want to keep in mine and Jamilas life, on the contrary. We miss a lot of people from the north I wish we’d have closer to us. But we are where we need to be right now, and who knows. Maybe someday in the future the north will call on me as the south did about 5 or 6 years ago.

It’s kinda silly but it makes me think of Nelly Furtados song ”I’m like a bird”, a song I resonated with so much, back then when it was trending. I always knew I was suppose to go far away and create something new, that would be on my own terms. Family legacy and traditions can be such a beautiful thing. But unfortunately I don’t feel that I am carrying that much worth to pass on. So it’s on me to create something new. And when or how I haven’t figured out yet, but thank god I got Jamila. Because without her, I honestly don’t know if I would’ve had the motivation to do just that. And as long as I have her, I won’t stop trying. Evolving, doing my work of introspection, and having sane and beautiful people in our lives, is always going to be my top priority in this life.

I wrote this poem a long time ago. And I never knew if I would dare to share it like this, it sure is outside of my comfort zone. But I know I need to stretch my comfort bubble now, it’s time. So here it is. ”The monster I cut out of my life”.

The monster I cut out of my life
Is still mirrored in my eyes 
But I made a promise to my only child

That I will break the chain 
For generations to come
That I will carve a new foundation 
To call home  

This blood in my veins 
May come from you
But this blood
I will claim 
For it is mine to change

Your roots in me I will burn
And the earth beneath me
Will return

As I search deep in my core
I will rise again 
With my cure 

For every strain of hate
I will twist into love
And create my own faith

For every cry
I will create a dance of art
And soar high 
through the stars 

For every deep cut
I will touch 
with a gentle hush 

I am making a new way 
For my daughter 
And all future souls

With humility and love I mend 
Becoming whole
Once again

The monster I inherited 
I will let you rest 
in the shadows of the past 

Because at last
I have the advantage
Of claiming my own heritage 

The monster I cut out of my life 
Will not be mirrored 
In my daughter’s eyes