Burning Bridges
Isn’t funny when a lot of those people who say ”you shouldn’t care about what other people think”, often are the same who have a lot to say, or just thinking/judging about your own life anyway. A lot of those people are those I hold close in my heart and I know they carry good intentions, but either way I know I might lose over decisions I will make in life that they won’t agree with or even understand.
I have chosen to cut people out of my life that is ”supposed” to be close to me, because of family bonds etc. It has not always been accepted by others, because of outdated sayings like ”blood is thicker than water” and such. And I have sometimes also chosen to keep or reform relationships, that people would not agree that I should keep in my life. The thing about those relationships is that I never see myself “going back” to something unhealthy or destructive. I am very careful and clear about what boundaries to set when I chose to move forward with an old relationship that has been reformed. I am not and have never been that person who “goes back”. And I sense that’s where a lot of judgements will be from someone looking in from the outside of my life. Because that might very well be what it looks like. But sometimes the step between A to C or D is a lot longer and more complex than you can comprehend. Keep that in mind.
It would be nice if it was as easy as many seem to think, to not just care what people say about you and your life. But it is not. I have seen people with pretty ”thick skin”, being deeply affected when people talk about them, or simply not agreeing with them. People do care about what other people think and I am not even interested in pretending that I don’t care. Because I for sure ain’t got no thick skin and pretending so is nothing but exhausting. Instead, I have committed to stay as authentic as I possible can in this life, because I strongly believe that is the healthiest way to live.
So that’s why I’ve chosen to be as open and vulnerable as I can be right now. I care when people judge me. I care when people talk behind my back. And I feel uneasy when people disagree with my life decisions. Especially if it is someone I am close to.
But, with that said, I do not chose to live after what other people think. I might admit that I care, even to the extent that I am emotionally affected by it, but I do not let that steer the decisions I make. I simply cannot, because it would be completely impossible to make everyone satisfied. Either way of what and how I chose to live, people will always disagree with my choices. I have definitely experienced this numerous of times as a mother. I have been told I am both too hard and too soft as a parent for example.
I named this post ”burning bridges” because that is what I have prepared for. When some of my life decisions becomes obvious, some people will judge me. Even worse, be disappointed and/or turn their back on me. It’s a difficult feeling to carry, but I will have to live with it nevertheless. Some close friends will understand this post clear as day and judge me in the only way they seem fit, be it good or bad, and others will probably be just as confused with my unclear ways of expressing myself as earlier post I have written. It’s a tangled web this life, but I am doing my best balancing it anyway.
To sum this post down, I would just like to say… Please trust me, and people generally, to make their own decisions in life. It’s ok to not always understand or agree, but at least give them the dignity of believing in them to be capable of learning from their own mistakes. Live and let go. Seriously. Because I think that is a part of me that feels wounded in my ego when people judge my life choices. Like, why won’t you believe in me to have the authority of my own life, to make my own success and failures? Be it a spontaneous move to another country, a job, or a partner. Why do we think so highly of ourselves sometimes, that we are sure to know better what is best, always, for another person? Live and let go. Or… burn your bridges.
